In the last 24 hours Rudy Giuliani, 76 (and a man), managed to give birth to twins. Two healthy, weighty, happy October Surprises. First up was Newsmax TV, and a special 15-minute spot from the big man himself.
His appearance was disheveled, but his mission was as firm as the starchiest collar. He was going to launch a new round of bombshell-propelled agony for the Biden campaign.
Giuliani, with great reluctance and epic fortitude, had reviewed the contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop, the same ‘waterlogged’ laptop that had provided revelations for the pages of the New York Post for days now. Cockburn cannot stress enough how appalled and scandalized Rudy was by these contents.
‘There’s a sexual depravity to this that’s disgusting,’ said the former New York City mayor.
No it wasn’t just those photos of Hunter with a crack pipe in his mouth. It wasn’t merely Hunter’s shady business dealings with foreign villains and crooks. Nor, even, was it the 12-minute video of Hunter, like some kind of minor Bret Easton Ellis character, hitting the pipe while performing sex acts with an unnamed woman.
It was worse, and Giuliani was here to tell us how much worse.
There were, apparently, numerous pictures of underage girls on Hunter’s hard drive. Giuliani, like any decent citizen, was horrified, and he’d handed the circuits over to Delaware’s finest. Still, he’d seen enough to inform Newsmax TV viewers of the choicest details.
‘There are numerous pictures here of girls that are being…I mean, they shouldn’t be there. That I can tell you.’ The former mayor was shaken — even Cockburn could see it. ‘If the Delaware State Police don’t do anything about this, it would be a really tragic thing.”’
What few realized at the time was that Giuliani’s Newsmax appearance was predicting his own future.
Not even a full day had passed before a bombshell landed on Rudy too.
Rudy, reported the Guardian, is facing questions after a ‘compromising scene’ in the forthcoming sequel to Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat (2006). What did Rudy do? Had he sung anti-Semitic folk songs with a fake Kazakhstani? Nope, worse:
‘In the film, released on Friday, the former New York mayor and current personal attorney to Donald Trump is seen reaching into his trousers and apparently touching his genitals while reclining on a bed in the presence of the actor playing Borat’s daughter, who is posing as a TV journalist.’
What was that loud bang?
‘Giuliani, 76, can be seen lying back on the bed, fiddling with his untucked shirt and reaching into his trousers. They are then interrupted by Borat who runs in and says: “She’s 15. She’s too old for you.”’
If that report is to be believed — and Cockburn is taking it with the proverbial sodium pinch — one of the President’s top surrogates has been fooled into Toobin’ his horn by a character actor whose shtick is almost two decades old.
The fact that Giuliani is already on the record about this incident could make it even more embarrassing. He told the Post in July that he’d called the cops when Cohen, in full Borat character, sprang into his room. He explained:
‘I only later realized it must have been Sacha Baron Cohen. I thought about all the people he previously fooled and I felt good about myself because he didn’t get me.’
In January 2017, Giuliani — a septuagenarian then and a septuagenarian to this day — was picked by Donald Trump to lead his cybersecurity team. Headlines in the years since have included the following, and trust Cockburn when he says they need no embellishment:
- Rudy Giuliani was briefly kicked off Twitter for tweeting a Ukrainian officials phone number
- WATCH: Rudy Giuliani Accidentally Uploads Racist Impersonation To His Own YouTube Channel
- Rudy Giuliani butt-dials NBC reporter, heard discussing need for cash and trashing Bidens
- Rudy Giuliani need Apple genius help to unlock his iPhone after being named Trump cybersecurity adviser
- Rudy Giuliani’s security company gets an ‘F’ for website security
Look at any photograph of Rudy holding a phone and you will see the visual equivalent of a giraffe trying to play a cello.
Giuliani is a major liability. He’s actually worse for Trump than Hunter is for Joe — because any idiotic slip-up a presidential surrogate makes will be played on an endless loop in the mainstream media. On Friday we will find out how bad Rudy’s latest October surprise is.