‘Beauty is a form of genius,’ said Oscar Wilde, ‘higher, indeed, than genius, as it needs no explanation.’ Wilde may well have appreciated the face of Paul Joseph Watson, the video provocateur and radical rightist on Twitter.
PJW, as the boys call him when they’re all together in the baths back home in Sheffield, is a good-looking man and he would have to be blind not to know it himself. He’s so secure in his looks, in fact, that he’s very comfortable telling everyone how gosh-darn attractive he is. It’s very rock-n-roll.
On Sunday, in a battle of the British, Watson launched a furious tirade at Piers Morgan, for being not only wrong, apparently, but insufficiently hot. Things got pretty ugly, pretty quickly. Take a deep breath…
Also, you’re a fucking coward and won’t respond to this tweet, even though I get way more traction than you despite you having 10 times more followers, because I’m younger and more attractive. And you’re a sellout little bitch who needs to repent for your limitless cringe.
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
I know that you actually envy me, because you’re a pathetic inauthentic little bitch. And I’m significantly younger and more handsome and more intelligent than you.
Why did you block me, before sending this tweet, pussy?
Did I rattle your world, you fraudulent, cowardly tosser? https://t.co/zDpFg8hwjV
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
You’re such a fucking fraud, that even when you’re trying to insult me, you’re scared of tweeting the word FUCK.
Once again, this proves that you’re an inauthentic little tosspot who is significantly older and uglier than me.
You virtue signaling, sellout, mainstream media nob. https://t.co/zDpFg8hwjV
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
You crave my approval, because I was doing what you do now 5 fucking years ago.
Now it's safe for you to get away with it, you do the same thing.
You represent everything that is dour, faux and FAKE.
Eat shit.
Also, I am younger and more handsome. https://t.co/zDpFg8hwjV
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
This fucking coward quote tweets me after blocking me.
Because he's scared of me being in his mentions.
Also he's scared of tweeting the word FUCK.
Also he's scared that I am younger and way more handsome.
Also he's scared that I'm way more authentic than him.
Retire, bitch. pic.twitter.com/2w4vhI8mQH
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
Piers Morgan needs to apologize to me for failing to acknowledge how much hotter I am compared to him.
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
Unless Piers Morgan apologizes to me, privately or publicly, within the next 24 hours, for me being more intelligent, younger, & (definitely) more handsome, I'm doing a video tearing his stupidity down and preventing him from becoming the new de facto Prime Minister of Britain.
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
I am significantly more handsome than you.
If you're going to try to incel shame me, at least be hot, bitch.https://t.co/d6DmKWbxdA
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
I'm not bragging or trying to be arrogant, but do you seriously think I'm an "incel" who struggles to attract women?
My problem is attracting too many women. https://t.co/TkKLwEZnTz
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
I am more handsome than you. Clearly. https://t.co/kRFjxuqVGo
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
Also, I'm clearly younger and more handsome.
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
The main reason I'm trending on Twitter is because everyone is finally acknowledging how handsome I am. pic.twitter.com/7iAp3rNxUJ
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
Dude, don't make me post your profile pic.
Like I'm not even trying to be arrogant, really not, but obviously I do OK with women.
I'm pretty good looking, famous and 6 3.
You're a toad. https://t.co/lU3z81sVt9
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
Piers Morgan is basically the face of the lockdown.
Since I cancelled him for being offensively less handsome than me, the government must now review the lockdown policy.
You’re welcome.
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) April 26, 2020
The alt-right fraternity piled in, too — lampooning Morgan endlessly in various memes that depicted PJW ‘owning’ him in a faintly sordid way. Indeed, the homoerotic dimension of the spat was hardly lessened by PJW’s repeated use of the word ‘bitch’ and his insistence that he was vastly better looking than Piers Morgan, who’s never claimed to be a great beauty (his wife, on other hand…).
Cockburn was amused to see Mike Cernovich take a moment off from fancying himself to acknowledge PJW’s sex appeal:
Paul Joseph Watson is legitimately one of the best looking men I've ever seen in real life, and I've partied at the hottest clubs, lived in Hollywood, etc. Unless you've met him in real life, you can't fully appreciate it.
— Cerno (@Cernovich) April 26, 2020
Cockburn has also met PJW and was impressed by his highly coiffed demeanor. But he doesn’t trust his own judgment when it comes to the same-sex appeal, so he put the question to the straight women and homosexual men of The Spectator office. The response, it’s fair to say, was modified rapture. Here they are in full:
‘I do think he’s good-looking actually, but then I haven’t seen a man for a month and a half.’
‘Weird lips. His eyes are red and puffy, like he’s on the verge of liberal tears.’
‘Looks like a werewolf, and not in a hot way. If the choice is between PJW and Piers Morgan, I’m choosing extending the lockdown.’
***
Get three months’ free access to The Spectator USA website —
then just $3.99/month. Subscribe here
***
‘Super hot, like Hugh Jackman with a severe iron deficiency, or Christian Bale after losing 100 pounds for another Oscar snub.’
‘Lovely hair. I wouldn’t mind running my fingers through it, as long as he kept his mouth shut.’
‘I can imagine him paying homage to Call Me By Your Name on a trip to the Continent, playing the Chalamet to Cernovich’s Hammer. The pair would cycle around northern Italy in pastels, gazing wistfully at Mussolini monuments and discovering the true meaning of forbidden love. The man’s a peach.’
‘Imagine my shock when I learned he’s so tall. He looks quite elfin in his YouTube videos, perhaps a product of that contorted YouTuber posture they all seem to deploy — shoulders pinched back tightly, forehead aggressively jutting onward. It seems to slim the neck and accent the jawline and it looks very uncomfortable. Maybe that’s why the videos tend to be so short. Whereas Hollywood magic makes miniature leading men appear normal-statured, YouTube seems to have the opposite effect. Oddly, I think he’d be cuter if he were more bite-sized, like an English muffin.’