CNN anchor Chris Cuomo has perfected COVID-19 performance art. While other attention seekers declare proudly that they’re ‘pretty sure’ they ‘had the ’rona back in January’, Cuomo has outplayed them all by actually securing a positive test before becoming an insufferable twerp about it.

Cuomo announced on March 31 that he tested positive for coronavirus and that he would be self-quarantining in his basement away from his wife and children. On April 7, Cuomo told viewers of his primetime show that he was shivering so much that he chipped a tooth. Sympathy poured in from across the internet, but just five days later, Cuomo threw away any goodwill he ought to receive for his illness.

Cuomo not only opted to figuratively rise from the dead on Easter Sunday and break his self quarantine, but he also got into an aggressive verbal altercation with a cyclist who called him out for doing so. Cuomo was infuriated that the cyclist had the gall to question him, and allegedly threatened the man. The news anchor admitted to the incident on his Sirius XM the next day, stating, ‘I don’t want some jackass, loser, fat tire biker being able to pull over and get in my space and talk bullshit to me, I don’t want to hear it.’

Cockburn too would prefer not to be shamed by men in tight suits and helmets, but we can’t always get what we want. Cuomo’s meltdown might have barely been a blip on the radar, but for some reason he and CNN decided to keep playing up his purported self-quarantine in the basement. On April 14, two days after the incident in East Hampton, Cuomo informed viewers that he could not leave quarantine because he hadn’t met the threshold of not having a fever for 72 hours.

Most stunningly, on April 20, the Twitter account for Cuomo’s program shared a dramatic video of Cuomo leaving his basement for an ‘official reentry’ to the rest of his family home after he had been ‘cleared by the CDC’. Cuomo never mentioned that he had already left his home eight days earlier, which is profoundly disappointing because Cockburn was sincerely enjoying his bizarre on-air sibling fights with his older brother, Gov. Andrew Cuomo.

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