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Jeremy Clarke writes the The Spectator Low Life column.
If my internal critic gets too negative or noisy, I steam-flatten the commentary line by line
By Jeremy Clarke
Whereas the older nurse was effortlessly capable of subjectivity, objectivity, sympathy and imagination, the younger woman was limited to the first category only
My struggles with the blues harmonica
Time and again in France I have found that the greater the offense the more easily one is forgiven
Between Christmas and New Year I spent five minutes on the form and sent the email
Wearing two masks struck me as being as absurd as wearing two hats and I laughed
I have a new cancer but the doctor is ecstatic that we have found it so soon. He is brisk and unsentimental and I like him
Applying for a bank account is like trying for a permit to open a Christian bookshop in North Korea
The rendezvous with the sausage lady was, as before, the car park of a line of motorway toll booths
I felt like the bloke in that blistering hymn whose chains fell off, whose heart was free, who rose, went forth and followed Thee
When the nuns begin to sing, their soaring, piercing voices make you look for a microphone
For sheer gale-force-10 sexual power, I must mention Christine, a hardworking local waitress in her early thirties
The woodman fastened his nose on my Barbour and inhaled fanatically. ‘Barbour,’ he said. ‘Oh-la-la-la-la’
It is refreshing and enlivening to be among the poor for a change
As the radioactive liquid flowed into my veins, I found my page and was transported to a literary luncheon in 1969
What French women want
The tyranny of French bureaucracy
My best Duke of Edinburgh salute for my oncologist
The beauty of French nurses
Vodka, kaolin and morphine: my welcome drinks at The Spectator offices
What angry young French men want
Thought-provoking commentary and opinion on politics, books and the arts.