After weeks of media speculation, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have announced that their divorce is finalized.

Cockburn is not one to celebrate the demise of anyone’s marriage, especially when children are involved. He thinks very highly (theoretically, at least) of commitment, fidelity, happily ever after, and all that. But morality aside, Cockburn can’t help but be convinced that Tom Brady is getting the better end of this divorce deal — by far.

Here’s the thing: Gisele had the dream life. She was wife to a hot, filthy-rich husband whose job it is to play a game for...

After weeks of media speculation, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have announced that their divorce is finalized.

Cockburn is not one to celebrate the demise of anyone’s marriage, especially when children are involved. He thinks very highly (theoretically, at least) of commitment, fidelity, happily ever after, and all that. But morality aside, Cockburn can’t help but be convinced that Tom Brady is getting the better end of this divorce deal — by far.

Here’s the thing: Gisele had the dream life. She was wife to a hot, filthy-rich husband whose job it is to play a game for 18 weeks out of the year. She also got to be a mother without ever having to worry about many of the things that stress out most mothers: cooking, cleaning, paying the bills.

Yet Gisele told Elle magazine in September, “I’ve done my part, which is to be there for [Tom Brady]. I moved to Boston and I focused on creating a cocoon and a loving environment for my children to grow up in and to be there supporting him and his dreams.”

In other words, Gisele fulfilled her martial vows and maternal duties, but now, she insists, “It’s going to be my turn.”

Good luck, honey. You’re 42. The median age of a runway model is…23. Gisele is still stunning, and it’s clear she managed to keep her appearance top-notch despite being a posh wife and mother for 13 years. So does she really need to end her marriage now? How much is her marriage hampering her modeling career, which consists of looking pretty and having her picture taken? Gisele reportedly asked Brady a year ago, “What more do you have to prove?” But what more does Gisele have to prove? That’s she’s gorgeous? She can prove that on Instagram when she’s, ahem, attending Brady’s games?

There’s no telling how long, exactly, Brady plans to play. But after that, he will enjoy a plush second career as a well-dressed television commentator. Brady has agreed to a ten-year, $375 million contract with Fox, at which point he’ll be a silver fox.

The average man retires at age 64. If Gisele considers waiting another year for Tom one of “the bad times” referred to in their marriage vows, then Cockburn thinks Brady is better off without her.