Privilege at birth displeases wannabe types, and the subject came up rather a lot last week, especially in the Land of the Depraved, where the Bagel Times regards monarchy as anti-democratic and the cause of most human ills, including the common cold, cancer, pimples, varicose veins and even athlete’s foot. In my own alma mater, the University of Virginia, founded by the greatest of all Americans, Thomas Jefferson, some physically repellent creeps have demanded his name be taken off the beautiful neoclassical buildings he designed. The trouble is that Tom, as we called him in my college...

Privilege at birth displeases wannabe types, and the subject came up rather a lot last week, especially in the Land of the Depraved, where the Bagel Times regards monarchy as anti-democratic and the cause of most human ills, including the common cold, cancer, pimples, varicose veins and even athlete’s foot. In my own alma mater, the University of Virginia, founded by the greatest of all Americans, Thomas Jefferson, some physically repellent creeps have demanded his name be taken off the beautiful neoclassical buildings he designed. The trouble is that Tom, as we called him in my college fraternity, was a bit anti-monarchical himself, having sided with and advised certain colonists starting with one called George Washington. No, the ugly ones have it in for old Tom because he was sleeping with Sally Hemings, his slave, and even had kids with her.

Shock, horror! Back in 1789 gents were not supposed to do that, but my excuse is that she was rather cute. What I’d like to know is what about the poor women who are, or eventually will have to endure, sleeping with the creeps who are anti-Tom. Those types are known to suffer from halitosis and be poorly endowed, and have absolutely no regard for what women want. My suggestion is that American ladies all become lesbians and get it over with. But let’s get back to privilege, especially the white kind.

White privilege is not part of a broader neurosis, nor is it symptomatic of a larger cultural ailment of the past. It is a recent invention by lefty academics who use multiple colonic irrigations in order to alleviate chronic constipation. According to the constipated ones, privilege today actually means discrimination and oppression, but the Greek equivalent of Dr. Johnson, Professor Taki, writes otherwise. According to the Hellenic sage, privilege derives when somebody somewhere somehow accomplishes something others cannot, and his descendants benefit from what he did. The ones most opposed to privilege are those who have never succeeded in doing anything constructive or beneficial to others in their lives, and pass down nothing but grief, debt and very bad posture. The average person endeavors to better his or her life for their children — and, of course, for themselves — so who are these snide, preening blowhards of the Bagel Times to blame privilege for all of society’s ills? I wouldn’t be caught dead socializing with such people but I can tell you what they look like: funeral directors with piles.

And yet, the Savonarolas of today, the New York Times, the Washington Post and the American media in general, have decided that monarchy, aristocracy and inheritance are obsolete, and should be replaced by an underclass that prides itself in its ignorance, violence and illiteracy. Among the first to fall into line with this baloney about privilege are actors and TV pundits. These trained seals say things such as “Privileged people have more access to good-quality nutrition…” Duh!

Unburdening one’s sin of being privileged is the latest craze in the land of the mentally deranged, a place where everyone with a cell phone has turned into an Oprah Winfrey, which brings me to Harry and Meghan. In the by-now famous walkabout with the Prince and Princess of Wales outside Windsor Castle, I thought the Montecito duo looked like a soccer couple, all dolled up for a court appearance in a libel case. His suits are tight and look tighter because he swaggers like a soccer player. She don’t look so good no more at forty-one: the spindly ankles, the waist that has disappeared, the no longer cherubic countenance. Any reasonable person in possession of their senses should realize that zebras tend to change their stripes during the period of mourning, but revert to type afterwards.

Never mind. Harry has for some time now been a marionette, manipulated and exploited by anti-Brit and pro-woke forces. Embittered obscure academics such as Uju Anya and others have finally had their day with the depraved insults they have directed towards the dead Queen. Just remember that if anyone from the New York Times approaches you. The paper is one big lie, insufferably windy and dedicated to the overthrow of everything the average person believes in. It is anti-Christian, anti-family, anti-police, anti-armed forces, anti-law and order and anti-marriage, and on the side of everything criminal, subversive and perverse. Don’t read it, certainly never buy it, and urge your friends to do likewise. And do not ever facilitate any hack who has anything to do with the rag. Punto e basta, as they say in the land of pasta.

Unburdening the sins of their privilege in public, as some rich halfwit females are doing in the States in order to gain brownie points, is the latest outrage of the #MeToo era. They do it at length and in public and in breathless detail, but the skin-crawling and ridiculous apologies make unapologetic types like me look like superior human beings. Privilege is good and healthy, and has given the world most of the things we take for granted. So let’s all emulate our late Queen who — unlike some of her descendants — never apologized for anything in her life.

This article was originally published in The Spectator’s UK magazine. Subscribe to the World edition here.