Cockburn was busy vigorously shaking his evening martini, James Bond-style, last night, so he missed the first half of Representative Rashida Tlaib’s insufferably long-winded and self-righteous speech ahead of a really dumb question. Her overly accentuated red lips (a similar shade of blood sported by fellow Squad member AOC) spewed all sorts of nonsense, while her attention-grabbing glasses risked flying from her face as her head gestured dramatically back and forth on screen. Cockburn’s mixology ended just in time to hear Tlaib charge J.P. Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon with: “Please answer with a simple yes...

Cockburn was busy vigorously shaking his evening martini, James Bond-style, last night, so he missed the first half of Representative Rashida Tlaib’s insufferably long-winded and self-righteous speech ahead of a really dumb question. Her overly accentuated red lips (a similar shade of blood sported by fellow Squad member AOC) spewed all sorts of nonsense, while her attention-grabbing glasses risked flying from her face as her head gestured dramatically back and forth on screen. Cockburn’s mixology ended just in time to hear Tlaib charge J.P. Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon with: “Please answer with a simple yes or no, does your bank have a policy against funding new oil and gas products, Mr. Dimon?”

Dimon, who lives in the real world, responded bluntly: “Absolutely not, and that would be the road to hell for America.”

Tlaib’s genius suggestions didn’t end there, though.

“Yea. That’s fine. That’s fine,” she said. “Sir, you know what, everybody that got relief from student loans [that] has a bank account with your bank should probably take out their account and close their account. The fact that you’re not even there to help relieve many of the folks that are in debt, extreme debt because of student loan debt, and you’re out there criticizing it.”

At that point, Cockburn chugged his martini and started making a second one.