Kim Kardashian’s behind is on the front page once again. This time, it’s being accused of disrespecting the great people of America.
The forty-one-year-old and her bare buttocks grace the cover of Interview magazine’s September edition, the “American Dream” special.
Interview Magazine 🇺🇸 September 2022: American Dream Issue ✨ pic.twitter.com/lxa1fMCD12
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) September 6, 2022
Cockburn must admit that the bleached eyebrows are lost on him. But he wonders how warranted the other criticisms of Kardashian are.
Some people online were eager to compare Kim’s look to that of male make-up artist Jeffree Star. Journalist Piers Morgan quoted her tweet of the cover, saying, “You think the American Dream is about baring your ass in front of the flag?” (Nice American English, Piers!). He later wrote that Kimmy was “barely recognizable from severe and deeply unflattering facial airbrushing,” adding that he wasn’t a fan of her “ginormous and gravitationally challenged naked backside bursting out of the top.” Yikes.
The half-Armenian honey has built an empire off the back of a vaguely famous dad and a slightly more famous sex tape. Instead of hiding away from the embarrassment of finding yourself spread-eagle on Pornhub, she put on her big girl pants and capitalized on it. Attagirl!
Since then, the Kardashian brand, led by genius “momager” Kris Jenner, has grown to be worth around $2 billion. Rising above ignominy through blunt-force capitalism — what could be more American than that?
Cockburn thinks Kim’s critics should cut her some slack. The reality star has had a rough time lately after her unhinged ex-husband Kanye West posted all about their divorce issues on Instagram. Kanye is apparently mad that Kim won’t let their kids attend the “Donda” academy that Kanye created. If you had all the money in the world, why on earth wouldn’t you stake your kids’ education on your ex-husband’s vanity project school?
She’s also had to deal with viral posts of people impersonating Kanye. His semi-literate one-liners are pretty easy to replicate. One read, “Kim has diarrhea a lot. Like way more than a normal person should have it.” Cockburn must admit that until researching this story, he didn’t realize it was a hoax.
Of all of America’s top billionaires, be thankful that it’s Kim with her backside out. Can you imagine if Elon Musk, who resembles cream cheese made incarnate, whipped out his dad-bod out for a glossy magazine? Or if Jeff Bezos — probably the billionaire in the best physical shape — brandished his bulging biceps out for the cover of Men’s Health? Yes, Cockburn would prefer to see Kim photographed for a magazine than Bill Gates, who allegedly only exposes his posterior on [NAME OF ISLAND REDACTED].
For those complaining about “respect” for the flag, Kim’s shoot is fully compliant with the United States Flag Code. And in the cover image, her exposed rear-end faces away from the Star-Spangled Banner. What greater respect could there be than celebrating our national banner alongside the work of God (and a couple of cortisone shots)? Cockburn, for his part, would like to pledge allegiance…
