Cockburn’s nieces have just bundled into the kitchen, squealing about someone called Olivia Rodrigo visiting the White House tomorrow.

A cursory Google search informed him that Olivia Rodrigo is the star of something called High School Musical: The Musical: The Series and the teen pop sensation behind the ungrammatical chart-topping singles ‘drivers license‘ and ‘good 4 u‘.

Rodrigo, 18, is heading to Washington to meet with President Biden, 78, and Dr Anthony Fauci, 80. According to a White House official, the singer will ‘record videos about the importance of young people getting vaccinated, including answering important questions young people have about getting vaccinated’. good 4 her!

The Biden White House sets a high bar for cringe — but they cleared it like an Olympic pole vaulter with the manner of this announcement. Some intern posted a picture of a young Joe Biden — apparently a ‘thirst trap’, per the Cockburn nieces — on the POTUS Instagram account with the caption ‘I know this young person would’ve gotten vaccinated, but we’ve got to get other young people protected as well. Who’s willing to help?’

Someone on Rodrigo’s PR team replied in the comments, saying ‘i’m in! see you tomorrow at the white house!’

‘You bet!’ said the POTUS account.

Given the President’s track record, Cockburn is hardly surprised that exchanging messages on Instagram with a teenager now forms part of the White House’s messaging strategy. And Rodrigo does have an appetite for the older men: she was photographed smooching 24-year-old producer Adam Faze in Los Angeles over the weekend. Previously the singer was romantically linked to her High School Musical co-star Joshua Barrett, 20, about whom she supposedly wrote her devastating break-up anthem ‘drivers license’.

At least, that’s what Cockburn’s nieces say anyway.

The White House is stepping up its vaccination efforts among young people after falling short of their goal of having 70 percent of US adults at least partially vaccinated by July 4. Cockburn had his shot a few months back due to his comorbidity (chain-smoking) — but he can’t wait to see what pop stars or TikTokkers the Biden administration will wheel out to coax him into getting his very necessary Pfizer booster in the months to come.